When a divorced mother who is retired chief justice of the Georgia Supreme Court recently wrote an opinion piece about the importance of marriage for CNN, indicating among other things that single parenthood is glorified, one of her points was this:
“Memo to single mothers by choice: When you decide to have a child alone in order to fulfill your deep need to parent, you may be deliberately substituting your emotional loss for that of your child, who will have to grow up without a father.”
The opinion piece obviously sparked a nice discussion on the Choice Moms board. Here's the comment posted by one of the women:
"How about this: If you choose to have children with the man you are married to (or hoping to be married to, or hoping to find), you must consider the very real possibility that the marriage will fail and your children will suffer a lot more pain from the divorce and custody roller coaster (or a dysfunctional/unstable/abusive family situation) than you. You’ll be inflicting emotional torture on your children by attempting to satisfy your (and society’s) romantic/economic/sexual/social/traditional needs.”
What do YOU think?
Friday, November 13, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Happy Birthday Darwin, from Choice Moms
As my daughter will quickly tell you, anytime I hear the terms "Darwin" or "evolution" or "DNA" my ears perk right up. I have so many unread books about evolution in my bedroom you would think it was my life's ambition to understand all the microscopic nuances of barnacles and birds that Darwin himself found so fascinating.
The truth is, however, that it fascinates me -- but I don't comprehend it. I just absorb the tidbits as they come.
One person who fuels my amateur learning is my high school buddy Troy, who is able to master technology and use it to spread news about anything from popular culture to science.
Here's what he passed along today that I thought Choice Moms like myself might find interesting:
Time magazine: "Human Evolution: Are Humans Still Evolving?"
"Sperm hold a much higher chance of carrying an error or mutation than an egg, especially among older men. "While it used to be that men had many children in older age to many different women, now men tend to have only a few children at a younger age with one wife. The drop in the number of older fathers has had a major effect on the rate of mutation and has at least reduced the amount of new diversity - the raw material of evolution. Darwin's machine has not stopped, but it surely has slowed greatly," Jones says. (See TIME's special report on the environment.)"
Something I've written about in my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book, but it's always interesting to see someone else reinforcing the idea...gives us food for thought in how and why we bring men into our children's lives:
From LiveScience, "Dads Are Key to Making Us Human":
"While other primate babies can fend for themselves in roughly a decade, human childhood stretches 18 to 20 years, said David Geary of the University of Missouri and author of "Male, Female: Evolution of Human Sex Differences" (American Psychological Association, 1998).
Also, anthropologists speculate that the relative helplessness of human children has made multiple caregivers a vital necessity - that encourages bringing dad into the picture. Even today, in both traditional and industrialized communities, a father's presence correlates with improved health and decreased child mortality, Geary said.
Evolutionarily speaking, he added, the kid-phase probably lengthened as dads got more involved. With an extra person dedicated to caring for them, kids have no need to rush towards adulthood.
Perhaps out of worry for their kids' future financial security, dads across human cultures mostly focus on preparing children to compete within society. They give advice, encourage academic success and stress achievement, Geary said. But it is not all lesson plans and lectures.
Kids also learn from fathers during a unique form of papa play. Unlike mothers, fathers tend to roughhouse with their children.
"They rile them up, almost to the point that they are going to snap, and then calm them down," Geary said.
This pattern teaches kids to control their emotions - a trait that garners them popularity among superiors and peers, he said."
The truth is, however, that it fascinates me -- but I don't comprehend it. I just absorb the tidbits as they come.
One person who fuels my amateur learning is my high school buddy Troy, who is able to master technology and use it to spread news about anything from popular culture to science.
Here's what he passed along today that I thought Choice Moms like myself might find interesting:
Time magazine: "Human Evolution: Are Humans Still Evolving?"
"Sperm hold a much higher chance of carrying an error or mutation than an egg, especially among older men. "While it used to be that men had many children in older age to many different women, now men tend to have only a few children at a younger age with one wife. The drop in the number of older fathers has had a major effect on the rate of mutation and has at least reduced the amount of new diversity - the raw material of evolution. Darwin's machine has not stopped, but it surely has slowed greatly," Jones says. (See TIME's special report on the environment.)"
Something I've written about in my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book, but it's always interesting to see someone else reinforcing the idea...gives us food for thought in how and why we bring men into our children's lives:
From LiveScience, "Dads Are Key to Making Us Human":
"While other primate babies can fend for themselves in roughly a decade, human childhood stretches 18 to 20 years, said David Geary of the University of Missouri and author of "Male, Female: Evolution of Human Sex Differences" (American Psychological Association, 1998).
Also, anthropologists speculate that the relative helplessness of human children has made multiple caregivers a vital necessity - that encourages bringing dad into the picture. Even today, in both traditional and industrialized communities, a father's presence correlates with improved health and decreased child mortality, Geary said.
Evolutionarily speaking, he added, the kid-phase probably lengthened as dads got more involved. With an extra person dedicated to caring for them, kids have no need to rush towards adulthood.
Perhaps out of worry for their kids' future financial security, dads across human cultures mostly focus on preparing children to compete within society. They give advice, encourage academic success and stress achievement, Geary said. But it is not all lesson plans and lectures.
Kids also learn from fathers during a unique form of papa play. Unlike mothers, fathers tend to roughhouse with their children.
"They rile them up, almost to the point that they are going to snap, and then calm them down," Geary said.
This pattern teaches kids to control their emotions - a trait that garners them popularity among superiors and peers, he said."
Monday, September 21, 2009
Choice Moms Radio Show
If you haven't listened yet, here are the "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio shows now available from the ChoiceMoms.org website:
* Show #11: Dating as a single parent
* Show #10: Emotions of the Choice Mom journey, the anger, frustration, sadness, fear and joy we go through in each stage, from Thinking to Trying to Waiting to Becoming to Being a Choice Mom.
* Show #9: Finding the right doula, including the heartfelt story of a Choice Mom and doula who became a mother through adoption. More resources.
* Show #8: Myths and realities of single-parent adoption
* Show #7: Egg-freezing and other choices: Rachel Lehmann-Haupt's story
* Show #6: Birds and Bees for Grown-Ups: what you need to know if you're trying to conceive
* Show #5: Juggling the work-and-home life balance
* Show #4: The good, bad and ugly of single parenting
* Show #3: Enhancing your fertility, reducing your stress
* Show #2: Peace of mind by protecting you and your children legally and financially.
* Show #1: Raising donor-conceived kids.
* Show #11: Dating as a single parent
* Show #10: Emotions of the Choice Mom journey, the anger, frustration, sadness, fear and joy we go through in each stage, from Thinking to Trying to Waiting to Becoming to Being a Choice Mom.
* Show #9: Finding the right doula, including the heartfelt story of a Choice Mom and doula who became a mother through adoption. More resources.
* Show #8: Myths and realities of single-parent adoption
* Show #7: Egg-freezing and other choices: Rachel Lehmann-Haupt's story
* Show #6: Birds and Bees for Grown-Ups: what you need to know if you're trying to conceive
* Show #5: Juggling the work-and-home life balance
* Show #4: The good, bad and ugly of single parenting
* Show #3: Enhancing your fertility, reducing your stress
* Show #2: Peace of mind by protecting you and your children legally and financially.
* Show #1: Raising donor-conceived kids.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Why we have to be careful about known donor arrangements
submitted by my favorite legal counsel about known donor negotations, Ami Jaeger, of BioLaw in New Mexico:
Florida – Two Gay Couples Fight over Custody of Child
“Two dads face off against two moms. It’s perhaps the most unique custody battle in recent Florida history and maybe the most radical verdict. Katherine and her eight-year partner, Ana Sobrino, decided to have a baby about a half-decade ago. Again and again, they tried using sperm from anonymous donors. But Katherine a driven real estate agent then in her late 30s couldn’t get pregnant.
Enter their close friend, Ray, a handsome, gay Air Force veteran.
After some casual negotiation, he donated and Katherine conceived. In August 2006, a sweet and burbling baby whom we’ll call Austin was born. Katherine put Ray’s name on the birth certificate because she wanted the child to know his dad’s identity – That turns out to be a big mistake.
The baby was raised mostly by Katherine and Ana at their NE 24th Street home, but Ray and his partner Craig also spent time with the boy. “[Ray] made it clear he wanted to be involved in the child’s life,” a counselor later wrote. He took Austin to baby music lessons. Sometimes the child would sleep over at his “da-da’s” apartment overlooking a canal. Then, last fall, the mothers decided to move to California, and things got ugly.
Ray sued Katherine in November 2008. The case tells the story of two sets of gay parents all of them loving and active in the child’s life vying for custody. “Responsibility for the child should be awarded to the mother and father equally,” Ray demanded in the suit. “[I am] the natural father.”
After considering arguments from both sides, Miami-Dade Circuit Court Judge Leon Firtel on June 3 found Ray was nothing more than a sperm donor. Because there was no contract before birth, he had “no rights.” Says Ray’s attorney, ”[The ruling] is the most tragic of my career, and I will not rest until Ray is reunited with his son.”
Opposing council responds that Ray surrendered his role when he let the mothers become primary caregivers: “Ray has changed his mind about his parental role… Katherine and Ana feel like their family unit is being attacked.” A motion for reconsideration is scheduled in circuit court this week.
Florida – Two Gay Couples Fight over Custody of Child
“Two dads face off against two moms. It’s perhaps the most unique custody battle in recent Florida history and maybe the most radical verdict. Katherine and her eight-year partner, Ana Sobrino, decided to have a baby about a half-decade ago. Again and again, they tried using sperm from anonymous donors. But Katherine a driven real estate agent then in her late 30s couldn’t get pregnant.
Enter their close friend, Ray, a handsome, gay Air Force veteran.
After some casual negotiation, he donated and Katherine conceived. In August 2006, a sweet and burbling baby whom we’ll call Austin was born. Katherine put Ray’s name on the birth certificate because she wanted the child to know his dad’s identity – That turns out to be a big mistake.
The baby was raised mostly by Katherine and Ana at their NE 24th Street home, but Ray and his partner Craig also spent time with the boy. “[Ray] made it clear he wanted to be involved in the child’s life,” a counselor later wrote. He took Austin to baby music lessons. Sometimes the child would sleep over at his “da-da’s” apartment overlooking a canal. Then, last fall, the mothers decided to move to California, and things got ugly.
Ray sued Katherine in November 2008. The case tells the story of two sets of gay parents all of them loving and active in the child’s life vying for custody. “Responsibility for the child should be awarded to the mother and father equally,” Ray demanded in the suit. “[I am] the natural father.”
After considering arguments from both sides, Miami-Dade Circuit Court Judge Leon Firtel on June 3 found Ray was nothing more than a sperm donor. Because there was no contract before birth, he had “no rights.” Says Ray’s attorney, ”[The ruling] is the most tragic of my career, and I will not rest until Ray is reunited with his son.”
Opposing council responds that Ray surrendered his role when he let the mothers become primary caregivers: “Ray has changed his mind about his parental role… Katherine and Ana feel like their family unit is being attacked.” A motion for reconsideration is scheduled in circuit court this week.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Picking a sperm bank, as well as a donor
A recent post on the Choice Mom discussion board reiterated the varied ways we approach selection of a sperm donor when we are creating our families.
I know several donor-conceived offspring who don't think anyone should choose an anonymous donor. That sperm banks should recruit only open donors who agree to be contacted by their offspring someday. (And some believe donors should never be used at all.)
Especially in the past, when sperm donation was primarily for married couples facing infertility, donor recipients wanted to know nothing about the donor at all. It has only been in recent years, especially with lesbian couples and single women more open with their children about the fact that they are donor conceived, that releasing the identity of willing-to-be-known donors has even come into question.
Certainly those who need sperm donation today in order to build a family know much more about the donor than people used to. Profiles have become much more extensive in the United States, to meet customer needs in a competitive industry. Obviously testing is much stronger than it was in the day when fresh sperm was lined up at clinics for day-of-inseminations for infertile couples.
Although there is more information at our disposal about sperm donors, we haven't fully evolved yet as a community to understand how important it is to also examine the policies of the sperm banks.
There tends to be an assumption that an FDA-approved sperm bank meets not only all the safety requirements we need, but also meets the potential social and ethical needs of our future families. This is not the case.
Every sperm bank creates its own policies -- about refunds for low quality vials, about numbers of offspring allowed per donor, about reporting of genetic abnormalities, about which genetic tests are standard, about how "open" its open identity policy actually is. Many sperm banks don't support the mission of the Donor Sibling Registry, where half-siblings and donors who both want to meet each other can find one another.
Not only do women (and couples) need to consider what issues might be important to them, and to their child, down the road, but they must then ask questions of the banks they are considering before they make decisions about a donor.
I've discussed some of these issues on the Choice Chat podcast...in the 100-page "Behind Closed Doors" book and my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book...on the ChoiceMoms.org website...at Choice Mom workshops around the country...and in an upcoming "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio show.
Now it's time to get more serious. Choice Mom-in-the-making Jessica has been a long-time partner in the quest to help the Choice Mom community become stronger consumer advocates.
I want the sperm bank industry to build toward a national registry that will, at the very least, enable consumers to learn about genetic issues and numbers of offspring born to particular (still anonymous) donors (AFTER those same consumers take the important step of -- anonymously -- reporting that their own child has been conceived so that the tracking numbers are more meaningful than they are now).
Jessica wants to raise funds for a rating card of all U.S. sperm banks so that we can be more informed consumers about how standards and policies compare BEFORE we choose a bank.
And together we want to continue raising awareness in the community, as we have on the Choice Mom discussion board again recently, that there might be issues to consider for our children that are even more important than hair and eye color.
Every person building a family will always have the right to decide what their own priorities are. But we can do a better job of pointing out some of the priorities we might not even think about until after our children start asking us questions.
Are you interested in helping us with this mission? What matters to you?
I know several donor-conceived offspring who don't think anyone should choose an anonymous donor. That sperm banks should recruit only open donors who agree to be contacted by their offspring someday. (And some believe donors should never be used at all.)
Especially in the past, when sperm donation was primarily for married couples facing infertility, donor recipients wanted to know nothing about the donor at all. It has only been in recent years, especially with lesbian couples and single women more open with their children about the fact that they are donor conceived, that releasing the identity of willing-to-be-known donors has even come into question.
Certainly those who need sperm donation today in order to build a family know much more about the donor than people used to. Profiles have become much more extensive in the United States, to meet customer needs in a competitive industry. Obviously testing is much stronger than it was in the day when fresh sperm was lined up at clinics for day-of-inseminations for infertile couples.
Although there is more information at our disposal about sperm donors, we haven't fully evolved yet as a community to understand how important it is to also examine the policies of the sperm banks.
There tends to be an assumption that an FDA-approved sperm bank meets not only all the safety requirements we need, but also meets the potential social and ethical needs of our future families. This is not the case.
Every sperm bank creates its own policies -- about refunds for low quality vials, about numbers of offspring allowed per donor, about reporting of genetic abnormalities, about which genetic tests are standard, about how "open" its open identity policy actually is. Many sperm banks don't support the mission of the Donor Sibling Registry, where half-siblings and donors who both want to meet each other can find one another.
Not only do women (and couples) need to consider what issues might be important to them, and to their child, down the road, but they must then ask questions of the banks they are considering before they make decisions about a donor.
I've discussed some of these issues on the Choice Chat podcast...in the 100-page "Behind Closed Doors" book and my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book...on the ChoiceMoms.org website...at Choice Mom workshops around the country...and in an upcoming "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio show.
Now it's time to get more serious. Choice Mom-in-the-making Jessica has been a long-time partner in the quest to help the Choice Mom community become stronger consumer advocates.
I want the sperm bank industry to build toward a national registry that will, at the very least, enable consumers to learn about genetic issues and numbers of offspring born to particular (still anonymous) donors (AFTER those same consumers take the important step of -- anonymously -- reporting that their own child has been conceived so that the tracking numbers are more meaningful than they are now).
Jessica wants to raise funds for a rating card of all U.S. sperm banks so that we can be more informed consumers about how standards and policies compare BEFORE we choose a bank.
And together we want to continue raising awareness in the community, as we have on the Choice Mom discussion board again recently, that there might be issues to consider for our children that are even more important than hair and eye color.
Every person building a family will always have the right to decide what their own priorities are. But we can do a better job of pointing out some of the priorities we might not even think about until after our children start asking us questions.
Are you interested in helping us with this mission? What matters to you?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Unwed is not the same as Unprepared
this was originally posted on the Thinking blog, but it is appropriate in this space, dedicated to the politics of this choice....
The Choice Mom board recently had a discussion about how a CNN article recently described us as "unwed." Some women didn't particularly like the term, since it implies a lack that we don't all feel. Like saying someone is un-blonde, instead of brunette. Some wondered, why not simply call us single, without implying that we're supposed to be something else? Here's one response to the thread from Pamela, 39.
I so agree with the neg. tone of 'unwed.' Funny how technically at the moment I'm a spinster! Single mom, I'm okay with that, but there are so many ways to become a single mom and each road has different social acceptance and different levels of sympathy or in some cases stigmas. I personally prefer to look at it this way:
I was raised being told I could do anything, and though the road was often more challenging as a woman, the road was not blocked (for the most part). The rewards along the way for milestones achieved are still less than my male counterparts, but I'm allowed to walk a road my grandmother was forbidden to travel. I was raised to be independent in thought and action. I was encouraged to follow my dreams and let my spirit guide me. Attending college was not an option -- it was expected, and I was the first woman on both sides of the family to obtain a degree. I am a confident, successful, smart, good-looking woman who by popular belief must by 'broken' in some way as I haven't found a man to marry.
No, I'm not broken, I'm not wounded, I'm not needy. I am the product of a generation of women who were raised believing the world was their oyster. A generation of independent, confident women that society shaped and formed, while forgetting that the boys they were raising alongside these amazing smart and talented girls were not being raised much differently than their fathers -- and when these boys became men and they looked for their mates, they saw women who did not fit the qualities they were programmed to look for in a wife. They saw qualities to pass over.
So am I broken or is it that lens in which men view me that has been curved incorrectly, such that the beauty of an independent woman is not seen? Society shaped me, encouraged career development and beliefs that I could have it all -- career and family. Yet when I achieve career, and family is nowhere to be found, and I pore as much effort into finding a man as I did into my career, I'm still left empty handed. Yet, I view the lack of a man as yet another obstacle in the long journey of my life and begin to develop a work-around. Donor insemination to the rescue, something that's been kept in the closet for unfortunate couples having issues with fertility is now my saving grace.
I like thinking of myself as going down the road towards being an independent mom, because I do not plan to be dependent on social assistance. Save it for the single, UNwed mothers who are UNemployed/UNderemployed and UNable to provide for their children/self and Dependent on others for their needs.
I may be single and thus unwed as I approach motherhood, but I am also independent and will be an independent mom!
The Choice Mom board recently had a discussion about how a CNN article recently described us as "unwed." Some women didn't particularly like the term, since it implies a lack that we don't all feel. Like saying someone is un-blonde, instead of brunette. Some wondered, why not simply call us single, without implying that we're supposed to be something else? Here's one response to the thread from Pamela, 39.
I so agree with the neg. tone of 'unwed.' Funny how technically at the moment I'm a spinster! Single mom, I'm okay with that, but there are so many ways to become a single mom and each road has different social acceptance and different levels of sympathy or in some cases stigmas. I personally prefer to look at it this way:
I was raised being told I could do anything, and though the road was often more challenging as a woman, the road was not blocked (for the most part). The rewards along the way for milestones achieved are still less than my male counterparts, but I'm allowed to walk a road my grandmother was forbidden to travel. I was raised to be independent in thought and action. I was encouraged to follow my dreams and let my spirit guide me. Attending college was not an option -- it was expected, and I was the first woman on both sides of the family to obtain a degree. I am a confident, successful, smart, good-looking woman who by popular belief must by 'broken' in some way as I haven't found a man to marry.
No, I'm not broken, I'm not wounded, I'm not needy. I am the product of a generation of women who were raised believing the world was their oyster. A generation of independent, confident women that society shaped and formed, while forgetting that the boys they were raising alongside these amazing smart and talented girls were not being raised much differently than their fathers -- and when these boys became men and they looked for their mates, they saw women who did not fit the qualities they were programmed to look for in a wife. They saw qualities to pass over.
So am I broken or is it that lens in which men view me that has been curved incorrectly, such that the beauty of an independent woman is not seen? Society shaped me, encouraged career development and beliefs that I could have it all -- career and family. Yet when I achieve career, and family is nowhere to be found, and I pore as much effort into finding a man as I did into my career, I'm still left empty handed. Yet, I view the lack of a man as yet another obstacle in the long journey of my life and begin to develop a work-around. Donor insemination to the rescue, something that's been kept in the closet for unfortunate couples having issues with fertility is now my saving grace.
I like thinking of myself as going down the road towards being an independent mom, because I do not plan to be dependent on social assistance. Save it for the single, UNwed mothers who are UNemployed/UNderemployed and UNable to provide for their children/self and Dependent on others for their needs.
I may be single and thus unwed as I approach motherhood, but I am also independent and will be an independent mom!
Thursday, April 02, 2009
A Southern blogger shares strength of community
I discovered this blog recently, Single Mothering Southern Style, by Amy Hudock, and thought it was an eloquent reminder of how important it is for women to become aware of the Choice Mom/Single Mother by Choice community and what we can offer to each other:
Today, Choice Moms™ launched the "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio show, hosted by Choice Moms founder Mikki Morrissette. The one-hour weekly talk radio show is specifically designed for the thousands of single women who proactively decide to build a family on their own.
The show will air every Wednesday from 1-2 p.m. PST and 4-5 p.m. EST on VoiceAmerica's Variety Channel. The first show airs on Wednesday, April 1, 2009, with special guest Jane Mattes, founder of the Single Mothers by Choice organization.
I'm not a single mom by choice, by the strictest definition. But when I read Mary Pols' book Accidentally on Purpose, where she talks about getting pregnant by accident but turning it into a new purpose for her life, I identified. Told that I would never have children, I was more than surprised to find myself at 36 and pregnant and single. When I told the father of my child, he proposed marriage, then changed his mind and offered me a large payment to, essentially, go away.
I thought that I would raise this child alone, and I was scared. I wondered if I could do it. But then my mother said: "Amy, here is your miracle child. You wanted a child, didn't think you would have one, and now is your chance." Miracle child. Yes, she was. So I decided to become a single mother. By choice. She became my purpose.
But I was derailed by my own self-doubt. Her father (though Jewish) spoke to a priest who convinced him that while a child might not be convenient, he couldn't simply tell me to walk away. He decided he wanted us to be a family -- and I wanted to do the right thing as well. And I was afraid to go it alone. So we married. Of course, it didn't last.
I wish I had seen more support for the choice to become a single mom back then, like this radio show. Perhaps I would have had more confidence in myself than to enter into a bad marriage situation. Perhaps I would have made a different choice. I found out that I can be a great mom while single -- and that knowledge can help any mother who becomes single -- by choice, by divorce, or by being widowed. So even though I am not a mother by choice in the same way as these mothers, I still support their work in encouraging women to believe in themselves enough to become the mothers they can be -- regardless of their relationship status.
Today, Choice Moms™ launched the "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio show, hosted by Choice Moms founder Mikki Morrissette. The one-hour weekly talk radio show is specifically designed for the thousands of single women who proactively decide to build a family on their own.
The show will air every Wednesday from 1-2 p.m. PST and 4-5 p.m. EST on VoiceAmerica's Variety Channel. The first show airs on Wednesday, April 1, 2009, with special guest Jane Mattes, founder of the Single Mothers by Choice organization.
I'm not a single mom by choice, by the strictest definition. But when I read Mary Pols' book Accidentally on Purpose, where she talks about getting pregnant by accident but turning it into a new purpose for her life, I identified. Told that I would never have children, I was more than surprised to find myself at 36 and pregnant and single. When I told the father of my child, he proposed marriage, then changed his mind and offered me a large payment to, essentially, go away.
I thought that I would raise this child alone, and I was scared. I wondered if I could do it. But then my mother said: "Amy, here is your miracle child. You wanted a child, didn't think you would have one, and now is your chance." Miracle child. Yes, she was. So I decided to become a single mother. By choice. She became my purpose.
But I was derailed by my own self-doubt. Her father (though Jewish) spoke to a priest who convinced him that while a child might not be convenient, he couldn't simply tell me to walk away. He decided he wanted us to be a family -- and I wanted to do the right thing as well. And I was afraid to go it alone. So we married. Of course, it didn't last.
I wish I had seen more support for the choice to become a single mom back then, like this radio show. Perhaps I would have had more confidence in myself than to enter into a bad marriage situation. Perhaps I would have made a different choice. I found out that I can be a great mom while single -- and that knowledge can help any mother who becomes single -- by choice, by divorce, or by being widowed. So even though I am not a mother by choice in the same way as these mothers, I still support their work in encouraging women to believe in themselves enough to become the mothers they can be -- regardless of their relationship status.
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